People often assume that sleep should be simple—just close your eyes and drift off.
Unfortunately, it can be anything but simple. Ask any new parent and they’ll tell you just how elusive sleep can be! But whether you’re up with a baby or lying awake with a racing mind, the struggle is real.
The good news is that becoming a good sleeper is a skill, much like learning to drive a car. It requires understanding, practice, and a bit of maintenance to keep everything running smoothly. So, let’s break it down.
Understanding the Variables of Sleep
There are many overlapping factors that influence your sleep quality, such as:
Mood and Emotions: Stress, anxiety, or depression can keep your mind active and make it difficult to wind down.
Diet and Health: What you eat and drink, especially close to bedtime, can affect how well you sleep.
Environment: Noise, light, and even the comfort of your bed can impact your ability to sleep.
Biology: Your body’s natural circadian rhythms, hormone levels, and overall health play a crucial role in your sleep patterns.
Routines and Habits: The timing of meals, exercise, and exposure to screens all influence your sleep.
With so many factors in play, it might seem overwhelming to get all your ‘sleep ducks’ in a row. But this variety also means that there are multiple practical changes you can make to improve your sleep right away. Even small adjustments can have a significant impact.
The Basics of Sleep Hygiene
You’ve probably heard about the basics of good sleep hygiene—avoiding screens before bed, getting sunlight in the morning, keeping your bedroom cool and dark. While these are foundational, there’s much more to sleep than just the environment you sleep in. Sometimes, despite doing everything right, sleep still eludes you. That’s when it’s time to dig deeper.
The Role of Your Inner World
Your mind and body are intricately connected, and this connection affects your sleep more than you might realize. Modern life presents us with countless pressures and distractions, many of which create a sense of unease or even danger, making it difficult for our minds to feel safe enough to sleep.
Feeling Safe in the World: An Overlooked Key to Sleep
For thousands of years, humans had to remain vigilant for real threats in their environment—predators, rival tribes, or natural dangers. While our external world has changed dramatically, the brain’s wiring for safety hasn’t evolved as quickly. This means that even perceived dangers, like work stress or relationship worries, can trigger the same fight-or-flight response that kept our ancestors awake.
Your mind doesn’t differentiate between real and imagined threats. If you’re lying in bed worrying about a work deadline or imagining a confrontation with a colleague, your nervous system reacts as if it were actually happening. This keeps you alert, restless, and far from the calm state needed for sleep.
Overthinking and the Modern Mind
Modern life adds another layer of complexity. Our more evolved brain allows us to speculate, plan, and imagine—skills that have helped us thrive. But this ability can backfire when it turns into overthinking. The constant what-ifs and worst-case scenarios keep your mind active and anxious.
Psychologists call this the negativity bias—our brain’s tendency to focus on potential threats and negative outcomes to keep us safe. While useful in the past, this bias can work against us in our safe, modern environment, where we need to feel calm and secure to sleep.
How to Reassure Your Mind and Body
Develop Trust in Your Resilience: Remind yourself that whatever happens, you can handle it. The idea of something going wrong is often more distressing than the event itself. Trust that you have the skills to cope with challenges as they arise.
Don’t Stress Alone: Talking things over with a friend, partner, or therapist can help you process and let go of the worries that keep you up at night. Sharing your thoughts can also provide new perspectives and solutions you hadn’t considered.
Write It Out: Journaling can be a powerful way to ‘brain dump’ your worries before bed. Putting your concerns on paper helps to externalize them, making them feel less overwhelming and more manageable.
Remind Yourself You’re Safe: When you’re in bed, focus on the comforting aspects of your environment. Feel the warmth of your blanket, the softness of your pillow, and the security of your surroundings. Reassure your mind that you’re safe and it’s okay to relax.
Practice Mindfulness: Meditation, deep breathing, and other mindfulness exercises can help shift your focus from the worries in your head to the sensations in your body, promoting a state of relaxation that’s conducive to sleep.
Understanding the Importance of Circadian Biology
Your body’s circadian rhythm is like an internal clock, guiding your sleep-wake cycle.
This rhythm is influenced by light exposure, meal timings, and activity levels throughout the day. When your routine is out of sync with your natural rhythm, it can lead to sleep difficulties.
Sync with the Sun: Exposure to natural light, especially in the morning, helps regulate your circadian rhythm. Try to get outside for at least 20 minutes early in the day.
Set a Regular Schedule: Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, even on weekends, helps reinforce your body’s sleep-wake cycle.
Watch Your Evening Habits: Avoid heavy meals, caffeine, and vigorous exercise too close to bedtime. These can disrupt your body’s ability to wind down.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you’ve tried everything and still can’t get a good night’s sleep, it might be time to seek support. Sleep difficulties are often a sign of deeper issues, such as unresolved stress, anxiety, or past traumas. Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help process these underlying issues, allowing you to find peace and restore healthy sleep patterns.
Sleep is a complex process influenced by many factors, both internal and external. It’s not just about following a set of rules but understanding your unique needs and challenges. Working with a psychologist can help uncover the root causes of your sleep issues and develop personalized strategies to address them.
Harnessing Your Inner Fantasy World
One often overlooked aspect of sleep is the transition between waking and dreaming. When you’re awake, your mind is focused on real-life issues and concerns. But as you drift into sleep, your brain needs to let go of reality and enter a more abstract, fantastical state.
If you’re struggling with sleep, try to unhook from real-life problems before bed.
Engage in light, imaginative daydreaming about pleasant, unrelated topics. This helps shift your mind away from real-world worries and prepares it for the dreamlike state of sleep.
There’s Hope: Finding Your Way Back to Sleep
There are countless strategies for improving sleep, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is to be patient, experiment with different approaches, and believe that you can find your way back to restful nights.
Your body is designed to sleep. If you’ve lost your way, it’s not permanent. By addressing the underlying factors and getting the right support, you can restore your natural ability to sleep peacefully.
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