Strong Emotions: Understanding the Child Within
We are all the product of our upbringing, in combination with our genes and the environment. The bio-psycho-social model explains how our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, biology, upbringing, and interactions with others create patterns that keep us stuck.
Knowledge is power—and even a small change in one area can shift the whole system. Understanding what’s happening beneath the surface gives us the tools to take meaningful action.
Why Do I React This Way?
You may feel overly sensitive in certain situations, easily triggered by rejection, or intensely frustrated with yourself when things don’t go as planned. Perhaps you struggle with low confidence, self-sabotage, or find yourself acting out with anger or withdrawal.
You might ask yourself:
“Why do I get so anxious in social situations?”
“Why do I react so strongly to criticism?”
“Why can’t I stop sabotaging myself?”
“Why do I push people away when I want connection?”
You are not alone. These patterns don’t come from nowhere—they come from deep-seated emotional lessons your mind learned long ago.
The Conflict Between Who You Are and Who You Were
Your adult self understands:
“I am safe now.”
“I deserve happiness.”
“I can trust others.”
But the child within you holds onto old beliefs:
“I have to be small to be loved.”
“Needing others is dangerous.”
“If I let go, something bad will happen.”
“I don’t deserve to feel good.”
This internal tug-of-war can explain why you keep falling into the same patterns, even when you desperately want to change.
Why Do We Get Stuck in These Loops?
Our early experiences shape us. If something emotionally intense happens in childhood, our mind welds the experience and response together—creating an automatic pattern that plays out in adulthood, even when it no longer serves us.
Example 1: “I'm not important.”
As a child, you needed attention and care, but others—siblings, friends, or family—seemed to come first.
The emotional lesson?
“Other people matter more than me.”
“If I express my needs, I’ll be rejected.”
“Stay quiet, stay small.”
Now, as an adult, you struggle to ask for help or set boundaries, feeling like your needs are unimportant.
Example 2: “I always expect the worst.”
You trusted someone—maybe a parent, teacher, or friend—until they criticised, dismissed, or hurt you.
The emotional lesson?
“People can turn on me at any moment.”
“If I relax, I’ll be hurt.”
“It’s safer to stay guarded.”
Now, even when others show kindness, you struggle to trust them, always waiting for rejection.
Example 3: “I hold myself back.”
As a child, you expressed joy, confidence, or playfulness—only to be met with criticism, teasing, or rejection.
The emotional lesson?
“If I stand out, I’ll be judged.”
“It’s safer to hold back.”
Now, as an adult, you find it difficult to fully be yourself, fearing judgment or rejection.
How to Rewire These Patterns & Move Forward
The same way your brain formed these patterns—through emotion—is how they must be rewired.
This isn’t about:
Forcing yourself to change.
Ignoring the past.
Pushing through with willpower.
It’s about:
Acknowledging your own needs.
Bringing lost parts of yourself home.
Rewriting emotional experiences in a way that serves you today.
Transformational Approaches
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing)
Uses eye movements or tapping to help the brain process and release old experiences.
Great for rewiring deep-seated emotional responses that still feel ‘alive’ today.
Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)
A form of hypnotherapy that accesses subconscious beliefs and rewires outdated emotional learning.
Helps update early patterns formed before we had the words to process them.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
A talking therapy that helps you reconnect to the part of you that is invincible, confident and capable, while letting go of trauma that has been weighing you down.
All of these approaches work beyond talking about the past—they rewire how your mind and body respond to it.
You don’t have to stay stuck. Healing is possible. And when you’re ready, I’m here to help.
Comments