How to Break Free from Negative Thinking
Psychologists are trained to help people understand that overcoming an issue often requires recognising the different factors contributing to it. The bio-psycho-social model explains how our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, biology, upbringing, and interactions with others can create patterns that keep us stuck. Knowledge is power, and because even a small change in one area can shift the whole system, seeing the bigger picture can be the key to progress. Understanding what’s happening under the surface allows us to take action in ways that make a real difference.
Why Does Negative Thinking Take Hold?
Do you ever wonder why your mind seems to lean towards negativity? Why certain thoughts seem to play on repeat, filling your days with doubt, fear, or self-criticism? You’re not alone. Negative thinking is a common experience, and it can feel overwhelming.
But what if I told you that these thoughts are like instructions—an internal script that your mind and body follow to navigate life? And the good news? You’re not stuck with them. There are ways to work with these thoughts, whether by stepping back from them or by rewriting the script entirely.
Common Negative Thoughts & Compassionate Reframes
Many negative thoughts stem from misinterpretations or outdated beliefs that no longer serve us. Here are some common examples and how to reframe them with compassion and logic:
🔹 “Nobody likes me.”➡ Reframe: Most people are too busy thinking about their own lives to actively dislike you. Social interactions are rarely perfect, and people’s reactions usually say more about them than about you.
🔹 “I’m not good enough.”➡ Reframe: Good enough for whom? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. Growth is a lifelong process, and you are always evolving.
🔹 “They didn’t text back because they don’t care.”➡ Reframe: People have busy lives, distractions, and responsibilities. A delayed or missed response is rarely a reflection of how much someone values you.
🔹 “I always mess things up.”➡ Reframe: Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how you learn and grow from them. A single moment does not define who you are.
🔹 “I’ll never be happy.”➡ Reframe: Emotions come and go. You may not feel happy now, but that doesn’t mean you never will. Life is full of ups and downs, and no feeling is permanent.
🔹 “People are judging me.”➡ Reframe: Most people are too caught up in their own worries to focus on judging you. And even if someone does judge, it says more about them than about you.
🔹 “I don’t deserve love.”➡ Reframe: Everyone deserves love and kindness, including you. Your worth is not based on past mistakes or what others have said about you.
🔹 “It’s too late for me to change.”➡ Reframe: Growth is always possible. People reinvent themselves at all ages, and every day is an opportunity to take small steps toward change.
Updating the Instruction Manual: Deeper Work for Lasting Change
For some, simple reframing helps. But for others, negative thought patterns are deeply rooted in past experiences—especially trauma.
🔹 Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT): These approaches help uncover the origins of negative thoughts. By revisiting and updating the way past experiences are stored in the brain, people can change the way they interpret present-day events.
🔹 Reframing Negative Core Beliefs: Many thoughts are tied to beliefs formed in childhood, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I have to be perfect to be accepted.” Therapy can help rewrite these core beliefs, shifting self-perception towards something more supportive and realistic. It can also find and reprocess the events that led to the formation of these beliefs.
No one is born with self-criticism - it is learnt and it can be unlearnt...
Befriending The Inner Critic
Many of us have an inner critic that thrives on shame rather than encouragement. Perhaps you’ve never had a strong sense of being acceptable just as you are. But here’s something important: it’s not your fault.
The good news? Just as the brain can learn to be self-critical, it can also learn to be self-compassionate—this is neuroplasticity in action.
🔹 If self-compassion feels impossible, start small. Notice when self-judgment arises and say, “I notice my inner critic right now. Can I give myself some space and non-judgement right now instead... the same approach I’d offer a friend?” Practising this repeatedly strengthens the compassionate part of your mind.
🔹 Visualisation: Imagine an older, wiser, kinder version of yourself offering support. If that’s difficult, picture someone from your past—a kind grandparent, teacher, or mentor—offering the understanding you need.
Moving Forward with Hope
If your thoughts have been making you second-guess yourself, dwell on past mistakes, or feel stuck in negativity, know that you are not alone. Thinking patterns developed for a reason, but they do not have to define your future.
Ready for a rewrite? If you'd like to explore ways to shift negative thinking, I’d be happy to help you take the next steps.
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